I dream of being organized...I mean really and truly organized. I can't tell you how often I hear people comment on how organized I am and yet if they only knew. I have this funny thought that goes through my head very often. I always try to figure out the purpose of God creating me to be such a slob with a terrible case of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).
Whenever I get ready to do a good cleaning I tell the kids, "Okay, everybody get in here and get your stuff picked up. This place is a mess." And yet when we take a look around....hhmmm...yep most everything is my stuff....aaarrgghh..I am known for dropping my clothes on the floor and leaving the cereal out (which Really irritates my daughter) bringing my stuff in from the car and just dropping it. I am a self proclaimed slob who LOVES a clean house. Not just an averagely clean house....oh no...a behind the stove cleaning, baseboard scrubbing clean house. Yeah...I Know...EXHAUSTING!!
There is this running dialogue that takes place inside my head. If I died today and someone came to my house what would they find? So...I clean. I often wonder if it is the people pleaser inside of me. Even after I die I don't want anyone to have to do the work I should have taken care of.
When I do bookwork I am very aware of the disaster I create. I begin by having everything organized with my cup of tea and some nice music going and a plan to be better this time. And yet part way in I look around and my piles have morphed into a tower of chaos and I have 20 different file folders opened and if someone walked in they would grab me and run for a tornado shelter. This is the kind of thing that frustrates me. My OCD girl is always on the verge of an ulcer because of having to sit by and watch this slob destroy things that she knows she is going to have to go behind and put back together.
What is a person to do? It is pretty much who I am and I don't know how I will ever change my patterns. My family has learned to except my idiosyncrasies and they love me all the same.
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