The feeling of a camera in my hand

 

The decision to open up my blog and start to look at again has made me sentimental for my camera. I can't even tell you the last time I held my camera in my hand.  I'm not sure if setting my camera down was intentional or not. I know that after returning from Bolivia I really wasn't using it much and then Becca was asking to use it more and more for a second camera for wedding shoots and so I just had her keep it unless I needed it. Life takes on so many changes. Years ago my camera was attached to me as my arm was. I saw the world through the lens of a camera. 

As nervous as I am to begin to blog again I am equally as nervous to photograph. Last night a sweet friend and I had a good talk about being a photographer. Yes we can say that we do it for ourselves and that is true because it is a love but to put your work on display is very difficult because it is a reflection of your heart. Whether it be my writing or my photography I know it is for myself... It has to be for myself... And the older I get the closer I'm getting to truly being in that spot... But we have to be real and admit that we are human....

Okay... I really need to go accomplish something today...

Today I dream for you the chance to pick up something that you have long ago put down. Something that you thought you wouldn't get the chance to go back to.... Why not??? Have a beautiful day!

 

As I opened up my blog site I was amazed at how long it had actually been since I had last written a post here. I knew it had been a long time but I had not realized that so many years had passed. I don't even need to look back through posts to remember the posts of joy and the posts that put me into some of my darkest pits.

The reasons that I haven't posted are numerous and quite possibly those reasons will come forth in posts in the future... but we will see. But I can honestly say that my heart has missed it here. My heart has missed sharing and encouraging. But although I am posting today I am making no promises for the future.... sigh..... But for today it was nice to be here again :-)

So today my friends I dream for you........ hope...... hope for your future and the blessings that God has ready to rain down on you......

Have a beautiful day.

my love for writing.....

I have always enjoyed writing for as long as I remember. If passions are indeed generational then there is no doubt that I followed in my mother's footsteps. I have so many memories of Momma writing poetry and songs. If you knew what my life was like growing up it wouldn't surprise you at all to know that my first memory of writing a story was that it was actually written by Momma. I think I may still have it in a box of memorabilia. I remember coming home with my assignment and showing it to her. Then when I came home from school the next day Momma had a story wrote for me....It was about a girl and her friend and how they wanted to be ballerinas. The reason I say it was typical of my life is because Momma was not the typical mother that made sure you followed through with homework or even really knew what we had going on in school. And there were many memories of waking up in the morning to Momma asking me if I wanted to stay home from school. School was not a big priority in our home so if Momma wanted to do some of my homework than more power to her....

The embarrassing thing is that my next writing memory also involves a story that wasn't my own. I was a Sophomore in high school. I don't remember the assignment but I remember my story clearly. I remember drawing a blank and one night while listening to the radio I heard a song that I had never heard before and thought the subject was incredible. So if I remember correctly I basically plagiarized the whole thing and turned in my paper. Well to my fortunate surprise our teacher that year must have lived in a cave without a radio because I not only received an A but she commented on how much she loved the subject. So for the last 25 years I have been unable to hear the song "The Cat's In the Cradle" by Harry Chapin without getting nauseous....ummmm yeah Linda let's pick a song that is going to be an national icon....geez.... I often wonder what her thoughts were the first time she heard the song after grading my paper. Let's just say I was never so happy to see a teacher leave our school after one year than her. 

Since high school I have many memories of writing. I remember writing a series of children's books when my kids were little which had characters that were machinery. They moved about and did different things and the stories had a moral to teach kids......Well, my first problem was finding anyone who could draw a bulldozer holding a baseball bat...no one could seem to envision what was going on inside my head and I felt that kind of ....pat her on her head and tell her good job....kind of feeling. So I put them away and gave up on that silly dream...Within a few years I remember my jaw dropping the first time I saw Bob the Builder...."IT'S MACHINERY WITH EYES!!".... Followed by Thomas the Train and a steady flow of similar material. Sure, I could have had the mindset that this was a prime opportunity to jump in but the reality was that I didn't know the first step in getting a story published. So my dream set on a shelf.

After that my writing basically consisted of family Christmas letters until I decided to return to school life in 2004. My first 2 classes were Speech and English....- talking and writing.....I was in Heaven !! My classes reignited a passion for writing that I had forgotten was there. I remember how insanely difficult my History classes were but knowing there was little else that I wanted to do at that time than sit and listen to Dr. Zorea discuss the Cold War....It was like a rebirthing of my mind.

I received my Associates degree a few years ago and I cannot even begin to count the times I have questioned what is next....I have one child in college and my 2nd will be there before I know it. I have so many dreams that jump around in my mind....Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, Professional Organizer or maybe just run away to a far away land with my husband.....aahhhh....But honestly with everything I see in my future it somehow includes writing. I want to write a Parenting book, A book on Worship, A book on Organization.......there are so many things that go through my mind but I just don't know where to start.....

This morning I went into my office that is lined with countless books that I have collected through the years. There was a book that I remember purchasing during that first English Class.....It is called The Writer's Idea Book.....As I thumbed through it I got that excitement in the pit of my stomach again. The book is designed with different "prompts" to help you stretch your writing mind....I felt like a little kid getting giddy with the possibilities......

In a few days it will be December....I have no idea where this year has gone...So I know that before I know it I will be sitting at my computer writing my 2011 Christmas letter. What will it say???.....What will this next year be filled with....It doesn't even seem possible that I will be writing that my children will be 20 and 17.....The 19 and 16 are difficult enough for me to process this year....But what will I be able to say about my life...what challenges will I overcome.....what adventures will have I have lived .....Where will my love for writing weave itself into my hopes and dreams.......sigh....

Today I dream for you a memory.....stop and remember a love that you have had since you were a child...was it cooking.....dancing.....singing.....painting....taking care of animals....teaching.....the ideas could be endless......What of those passions can you see resurfacing throughout your life.....What is God calling you to do with that passion.....And the most important question...what is keeping you from living it......

Have a passion filled day my friend.......

I've lost my marbles

Colorful Marbles, originally uploaded by pieceofheaven.

Sometimes I think my husband is sure that I have lost my marbles....LOL

The other night we were at our JMP meeting discussing what we would like to do on our vacation days after working at the orphanage. I quickly piped up and said that I wanted to go parasailing...I have always wanted to do that, to be high above the water and looking down at the beautiful landscape (especially of Jamaica). Doc commented that you know they have spots for 2 people and so I looked at Rob and smiled....He's not quite as "adventurism" as me. Rob is the practical, down to earth....let's just say he's the brains of this couple....LOL!!

He has always been an amazing supporter of the crazy things that I have done throughout our life together....all the little businesses that I started....but never stuck to.....let's see if I can remember them....there was selling Mary Kay (but I hated selling anything because I really just like how organized all the products looked on my shelf). There was the shirt painting...the craft booths...the card making....and the one the lasted the longest....scrapbooking. I taught Creative Memories for several years and I have to say a lot of good did come out of that one...There are probably plenty of other ones that I have blocked out of my memory.

Rob was also very supportive when I began running. During the races he would bring the kids and they would come to different spots along the route to cheer me on. And when I returned to school he was very understanding when it was Semester Final time and they lived off of cereal.....LOL!! He highly agreed that I needed to go help with Hurricane Katrina and now he is supporting me in my writing. Rob has always been my biggest fan in everything I do.

There is one thing that he wasn't supportive of...  In fact he was down right upset with me. Which is the main reason that I didn't tell him until I had already done it :-/ Summer before last I took my daughter and our exchange daughter to Wisconsin Dells to cross something off of my "bucket list". I went Bungee Jumping!! ...Yep...Crazy! It was about 130' and the only good thing about it was the nice view from up top. I was just looking at some videos of people jumping at the Dells and they were like 2 min long....My video was like 7 min....LOL...I kept thinking I was ready and then.......uummm, wait....Finally what made me do it is that I knew that if I just went back down that it would still be on "my list”. There would be a day that I was going to have to try again…Dang nab it!!! So it was easier just to get it over with so I could cross it off my list...I know...I know....

The worst part, obviously, was telling your brain that it was okay for your body to fall over the side of the ledge into midair. My brain and my legs were not agreeing at all. But of course after the initial drop it was sort of fun....Fun enough that I would ever do it again???.........uuummmmmm .....NO!!!!

When I called and told Rob what I had done he was MAAAAD!! Rob never gets Mad at me...I mean yeah if I don't turn the lights off when I walk out of the room he gets irritated. But he never gets MAD but this time I knew what was coming...."Linda, What were you thinking????" ooohhh and he never calls me Linda....I knew I was in deep trouble….I don't think "Peeps" would have had the same effect....LOL!!! What it came down to, and I knew it, is that he was scared that something would happen to me.....everyone together.........aaaaaawwww, how sweeet.......

It's funny that when we met Rob was the guy in the racecar and I was in a Ford Escort. Maybe that's why I was attracted to him I thought he was adventursm (sure it had nothing to do with he was just plain Gorgeous) but the reality is that he probably bought that car because it was in good shape and at a good price....(Just kidding Rob – you know I Love You )..!!

But the two of us do balance each other out. Without Rob who knows what a mess my life would be. I need someone to tone me down sometimes....Sometimes dreams just need to be that...dreams...And Rob knows that without me he would not have had the adventures and travel that he has had. We talk about all of this often and how blessed we are to have found each other.

So back to the parasailing adventure....well that has yet to be determined....I am giddy excited about it....Rob not so much....He hasn't said no. He just gives me this look with a little grin like...You really aren't going to make me do this are you?....And he knows full well that just about every adventure that I have talked him into he was grateful for afterwards....with exception of the Roller Coasters....I don't think that will ever happen again….:-)

Today I dream for you....an adverture!!!!....Make someone think that you have Lost Your Marbles....LOL!! Life is to short and there is so much to do......If you need ideas let me know – I will share some of mine with you!!

Have a wonderful day friend….

The importance of "good ice"

Sonic Cherry Lime, originally uploaded by pieceofheaven.

Well it's about time I educate my Northern friends on the importance of GOOD ICE....Now if I was in Texas that would be said with a definate drawl....But if I were here and said it like that you would just laugh at me....

I think Lubbock, TX must be the beverage capital of the world. Whenever I am at home it seems that I constantly have something to drink in my hand. This last time I was there I was awaken by Chuck bringing me a cup of coffee while I got to sit on the couch and watch my neices run around like little bees getting ready for school. And then I got to do one of my favorite things in the whole world. Sit and drink coffee made by my Brother n law Bill (because mine didn't work out so well) while he and I sat in the wing backed chairs in the kitchen talking about God. And then of course there is my sister Carla's iced tea. I make tea all the time but it never tastes as good as hers. I could drink it by the gallon.

But the funniest part is how whenever we are in Lubbock we always stop by somewhere to get something to drink. But it can't be just anywhere. It has to be somewhere with "good ice". So most often it's Sonic but many times we also stop at Taco Villa. And if you aren't in Lubbock and someone is there and headed home they will call you and say...."I'm headed home, would you like a Coke?" ..."Sure, bring me a Cherry Lime...".....LOL...(if you didn't get that, everything in the South is a Coke - don't you dare say Soda or Pop or Heaven forbid - Soda Pop....Everything is Coke...)

But back the ice....The ice that they have at Sonic and Taco Villa is made with Reverse Osmosis....Now I am not even going to try to explain how it works. The only reason I even know the name is because last year when I was in Texas photographing homes for my nephew Chuck he had built a home that had a Reverse Osmosis Ice maker in the outside kitchen by the pool!! I can't even imagine!! If someone were to ask me what is the one appliance that you dream of having - that would be it without a doubt! To have access to "good ice" all the time....Life would be blissful!!

Now although I can't explain the process of how it's made I will try to explain why we love it so much. The ice is made by going through a straw like tube...so when it comes out is in the small pieces. But it is the texture that is the best. It is perfect ice for eating. If Goldylocks had an ice preference this would be the one - because it is not to hard and it's not to soft.....it's "just right"!!

But almost as important as the ice would be the styrofoam cups. (lol...you never believed that anyone's life would be crazy enough to think that blogging about ice and styrofoam cups would be entertaining did you...LOL) But honestly without those cups it just wouldn't be the same. The styrofoam holds the cold in so your drink/ice will last for hours....Or until you hit the next Sonic. But it would have to hold the cold seeing as how I don't think I have ever even seen a small cup in Texas. They are HUGE!!! But it is Texas ya know...

I have a theory about Lubbock's obsession with "good ice" and styrofoam cups and beverages all together.. I say that it is because for most of the year it is so unbelievably hot that an ice cold Vanilla Dr. Pepper from Sonic or a Pink Panther from the Dixie Dog just hits the spot. And if you have to drink that much liquid to stay cool then it might as well be an "Event".

Now I know that I will get slack from my other friends all over that will whine and complain that I am biased about this being a Lubbock thing. I realize that we aren't the only ones that are insane about our beverages....But I would think it would be safe to say that many of my readers did live in or around Lubbock at one time or another and that probably led to your beverage addiction....LOL...

Well, today I dream for you the chance to appreciate "good ice"....If only I were so lucky to enjoy it today..sigh.....My closest Sonic is an hour away....which is better that the 5 hours that it was....progress..LOL..Have a good day friend....

Autumn in Wisconsin.....

What a wonderful day!!! It was a perfect Wisconsin Fall day....I tried my hardest not to think of the fact that days like this only mean that we are all that closer to Wisconsin Winter. Autumn is by far my favorite season since I have moved here. One of my biggest joys is standing in my kitchen with a glass of iced tea, the smell of fresh baking cookies in the oven and my favorite music filling every room. And looking out my open windows at the vibrant colors of browns, oranges and yellows...How can one help but smile??...  

Yesterday as I was driving back to my house from town and I was taken back to my first few years of living in Richland County.  I was driving Paul out to my house so that he could use my Jeep for awhile. He is one of the band members of Remedy Drive, a Christian Rock group that was performing for our community.  He was going to take his wife and their little girl  to do some sightseeing around the area.  Then they would pick me up later before the concert. It was so fun listening to all the comments that they made at how beautiful the area is. He and his wife both commented that they could see themselves living here.....What makes me sad is how easy it is to forget to look around and be appreciative for the gifts that God gives. Sometimes it takes seeing things through someone else's eyes to  remind us.

I am so very thankful for where I grew up. West Texas has it's own unique beauty. Sometimes you have to use more of your imagination but it is there nonetheless...LOL... There are the most incredible sunsets with such an assortment of colors. And you have not witnessed a exquisite starry night until you have layed on a the roof of a car in the middle of a cotton field in the darkness. Breathtaking!! You are literally surrounded by tiny sparkling lights. You can't help but smile and take a deep breath and ultimately feel closer to God. Then of course there are the West Texas storms. Although they are my least favorite things about West Texas, there is a definite beauty in being able to watch an oncoming storm for miles and miles away. And then the smell of the dirt mixed with rain and the crispness in the air as it closes in.....

I have traveled my fare share in my 40 years and I must say everywhere that I have been offered a unique beauty....God never ceases to amaze me at His creativity. It is impossible for me to pick a favorite. The mountains in Oregon were incredible. Swimming in the Mineral Springs in California were like nothing else I have experienced. But some of my favorite things have been star gazing on a mountain top in Hawaii and with my uncle in Pennsylvania on our way home from our day in New York City...Florida was more difficult to see God's work in the landscape but the people were wonderful. And of course there is Jamaica......That is where I am closest to God. So it is impossible to pick one area where I am more impressed with His awesome work while I am on the island. So much of that is because I am more relaxed while I am there.

LOL....as I write this I just can't help but think about the fact that yes it is absolutely God's beauty that warms my soul. But as I look back to every place that I have I have visited the beauty is actually a backdrop to the people that I am with....Sven and Deanna in Oregon... Scott and Kim in Michigan... all my family in Texas... Uncle Lynn in Pennsylvania...Florida with Carla and Bill... Bryan and Nichole and all my kids at the orphanage in Jamaica....Becca, Dustin, Rob, Nadine, Kurt and Andi in Hawaii...and then sharing the beauty of Richland County with all of my wonderful friends on a daily basis.....oh my I could go on and on....I am not only blessed to have seen so much of His creation but I have been so blessed to have shared it with some of the most wonderful people...sigh.....

Wow....that was fun visiting all those places in my mind....remembering how blessed I am at the incredible people that I am surrounded by....I know I didn't mention everyone that I have shared traveling memories with but I promise you that I know they are all special....I would love to hear some of your memories of times we shared together that you recall as well.....fun!!!

Well so let's see....I guess I dream for you the chance to stop and notice His creativity.....in the landscape that surrounds you....in the people that He places in your life....in the simple joy of a pumpkin spice cookie and a glass of iced tea....He is an Incredible God!!!

What I didn't do today.....

My pile of laundry that needs ironed....

This morning I ran across a blog that I am sure will become a favorite. http://smalltownsimplicity.blogspot.com/2010/10/authenticity-what-i-didnt-do-today.html
Lydia posted that as bloggers it is easy for us to write about the positive moments in our lives. The ones where things are going wonderful. The perfect meals that we make or the accomplishments of our kids. She challenged us to write today about AUTHENTICITY: What I didn't do today.....I Love the idea!! Not because I don't already do that. In fact if you have been around me at all you will notice that I am the first to put my faults out there. The one to tell you about how I frequently get lost or can not, no matter how hard I try, remember my children's times of birth or birth weight....LOL...

I think it is very healthy to laugh at the silly parts of our lives. But this article made me think about a short conversation that I had with my Great Niece while she was here this summer. She has always been "funny". She loves to make people laugh. But at one point I told her that it is fine to tell things about yourself that make people laugh. But I cautioned her to never put herself in a position to make herself seem "dumb". We all make mistakes and do silly things. And it is wonderful if you can use that stuff in a story that will make others relate and laugh. But it is a totally different thing to use those things in a way that degrade yourself and make yourself seem "lower" than the person you are talking to.

Part of me thinks that I would love to live a perfect life. Where there wasn't a mountain of laundry in my laundry room. Where I balanced my checkbook more than once a year. Where there wasn't spots of dog urine covering my whole living room carpet....But in reality I Love my life!! I am not lying when I say that there are many times where I literally laugh out loud about parts of my life...okay maybe not the dog urine, but most things I really do laugh about.

So I thought I would share a few of them with you from just the past few days to give you a taste of my day to day life...enjoy....

• I slept through my alarm clock yesterday morning. That meant that I didn't make sure my 15 year old was out of bed and ready for school. I was awoken by the slamming of the door as he ran outside to get into the Jeep  and take it down the hill only to see the bus driving away. So he followed the bus to the next stop which was about a mile and a half and left the Jeep in a friend's driveway...Then called me to tell me what had happened and we decided it was best for both of us not to inform Dad about this whole scenario....(yes, my 15 year old was driving down the road unaccompanied with no license.....do you see why he would call me and not his dad....LOL!! - I'll blog more on the significance of  that when my kids are a little older...LOL!!)
• I didn't blog yesterday. After shutting my tv off for 6 months I finally turned it back on so I was like a little kid. There were so many things that I had forgotten about (like how to turn it on - so I had to call Dish and have them talk me through it ...I really miss my teenagers being around). 
• I didn't stick to my eating plan....at all!!!..When I was in Texas my sister Debbie and I  bought blue jeans that were to small for us. Our goal is to be able to fit into them by Christmas. In my head I have great plans and really want to get fit again. I was doing so good before my surgery but since then I have just lost all momentum. So yesterday I finished off a bag of chocolates that my friend Shari had gotten me, a piece of pumpkin pie and a multitude of other "non healthy" foods.
• I didn't clean the woodstove even though it was on my list of things to do. Someone had misplaced the handle to our woodstove. I have looked for it for months. Finally yesterday I called to order a new one. After explaining the whole thing to the gentleman that works there...(who just happens to be my cousin that I thought was a customer there and got on the phone to mess with me. It seems that somehow along the way I didn't realize that he had worked there since the beginning of the summer....aaarrghhh...oh my silly head....) He told me he would look up the info and call me back. As soon as I hung up the phone I walked into the Family Room and moved the recliner to find it lying there on the floor. I quickly called him back and explained my joy and apologized for the inconvenience! I then walked over to the woodstove to carefully open it up. You see my daughter had been telling us for weeks that she had been hearing something living inside there. As I opened it I see a bat lying in the ashes - luckily not moving...EEKKKK! Quickly closed the door and left that job for the hubby.

Honestly I could go on and on and on and on......LOL... But I want to encourage you to live in your Authenticity.... Absolutely be proud when you cross things off your list.... Sing praises about your spouse and your children and your accomplishments....Take a dozen pictures of that 4 layer chocolate caramel cake...(and then send me a piece...lol..) Thank God for the blessings He gives. But be honest about your iimperfections. There has to be a balance in your life. If you can laugh at your mistakes then others will be able to find you relatable. If you are only one way or the other people will shy away. As much as it is difficult to be around people that believe they are perfect it is just as hard to be around people that you feel like you have to "take care of". That their life is one crisis after another....Balance....

So today my friend I dream for you a chance to laugh at yourself. As you sit in you pj's and it's 2 in the afternoon remember that no one is perfect. Or if it means you mess up and have to order a candy bokay to say your sorry for something that you did it is really okay. Life goes on....Look around at the blessings you have and remember that He has not left His throne....Have a Wonderful day!!

my TOMS........

It's so funny how 95% of the time I have no idea what I am going to blog about when I sit down to actually do it. Today was one of those days. I had just sat down at my laptop and Dustin asked me if I had opened my "package"...oh - I forgot!! While I was in Texas Kiersten Holley, my "adopted" daughter..(okay, not officially) sent me a gift. As I opened it I started to squeal!!! She had sent me a pair of TOMS shoes!!! My first thought was that I have Really little feet...LOL! But then I just kept saying that I couldn't believe that I now owned a pair of TOMS!!

I first heard about TOMS at a leadership conference that I attended. Blake Mycoskie was one of the speakers and told the story of how he began TOMS.

 In 2006, American traveler Blake Mycoskie befriended children in Argentina and found they had no shoes to protect their feet. Wanting to help, he created TOMS Shoes, a company that would match every pair of shoes purchased with a pair of new shoes given to a child in need. One for One. Blake returned to Argentina with a group of family, friends and staff later that year with 10,000 pairs of shoes made possible by TOMS customers.

As of September 2010, TOMS has given over one million pairs of new shoes to children in need through giving partners around the world.

I thought, well, what if you had a situation where you could create a business instead of a charity? Where for every pair of shoes you sold you gave one away. That way, you had something you could continue and sustain. I was really into this idea of sustainability ... that way when the kids' feet grew or the shoe wore out, it would become our way to continue to give them new ones, as well as allow our customers to continue to participate in the movement. So instead of a charity, I started a business encompassing a one-for- one model where you buy a pair and we give a pair. Very simple. Totally transparent.

His whole story was incredible. For me the main thing was that he was so young. He is in his mid 30's and has already started several businesses. But his heart as always been in doing for others. I LOVE THAT!! I kept listening to him and thinking that I wanted that for my kids. I want them to believe that they have the capability to do whatever they want with their lives....I don't ever want them to limit themselves.

One of the other things that I thought was amazing was his humility. He doesn't do this so that he can lift himself up - he does it for the kids. His company doesn't even advertise. It is all done by word of mouth. How cool is that? One of the funniest stories that he shared was one day he was in an airport at a kiosk checking in for his flight. When he looked down at the girl next to him he saw that she was wearing a pair of TOMS. He said it was so weird because this was the first time he had seen anyone besides his family and friends wearing them.... So casually he commented to the lady that he liked her shoes. He said she grabbed him by the shoulders and said...."you don't understand about these shoes...." and then he said she began to tell me my whole life story better than my mom could have done...LOL!!!

This whole thing is contagious...I believe the core of this phenomenon is that people are created to give. Our world has morphed into such a selfish place that when an opportunity comes along to do something for others it is like being able to take a deep breath. So you combine the average person's desire for "fashion" and put it with a chance to do something for others it only makes sense. So when you wear TOMS you have a sort of banner that says "I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE!" It is a good feeling that hopefully spurs you on to look for other ways to do good in the world.

So today I plan on wearing my TOMS and smiling alot! Not just because they are cute but that they were a gift from a Very Very dear friend. I LOVE that she knows me so well that she would know that a gift like this would mean so much to me. It is not only about me enjoying my new pair of shoes but that a child somewhere else will be getting one as well. What a beautiful feeling!!!....sigh....

Today I dream for you a chance to find your inner Blake Mycoskie.....WOW - that is a big dream huh?? I always tell people that when I write the ...today I dream for you part... it is always for me as well as you guys....So sometimes I overwhelm myself...LOL!! So today let's try to think about how we can make a difference in our world. As a parent the best way to start is to raise your children to be aware of others...Raise them to be outwardly focused. The more your family serves others with pure and giving hearts the more joyful all of you will be and the world will be blessed because of it.

take time to remember........

I love remembering....

This week I am in Texas...surrounded by my former life. Surrounded by people and landscapes and momentos that can whisk me back to my 20 years of living in this state. On Friday I joined one of my very best friends at my high school for homecoming. As we walked down the halls I could literally tell you stories about things that happened with every step we took. Mrs. McCormick's room and Alex sticking his paperclip in the outlet during class and the room lighting up. Coach Wallace screaming at poor Lori the second day of History class when she came to class without her book. My locker was # 58  and some not so great memories at that locker  that got me thrown into detention...(long story) Performing my poem with Bobby in front of the class in Mrs. Satterwhite's English class and how he wanted to rip me apart because I wasn't up on my Scottish when pointed to him when it said  Lassie (I was thinking Laddie...) and how I can't believe he is gone from our lives so soon... The Library...oh - the memories there! Doing my research paper on identical twins my Senior year - Suzy and I getting all the information we needed to pass Government...LOL...(love that Mrs. Shannon)...Mr. Holt's Science room... January 28, 1986 - watching the Space Shuttle Challenger diasaster with the rest of the world....And then there was the band hall....Gina and I walked in there and the memories are everywhere. Band was always my favorite thing about school....I played French Horn / Frumpet (yes with a F)...flag corps...and I was Drum Major my Senior year... My Junior year we made it to State and ended up with 6th place. Mrs. Holt was the best!! We had so much fun on that trip!!.... But I look around the band hall and remember things like Suzy, Jill and I eating poptarts in the practice rooms...getting fitted for the brand new uniforms...being in 5th grade and I was the only one who memorized Aura Lee and getting 110 and Mr. Lee took me to the teacher's lounge to get a Coke from the machine....And of course we remembered during our Senior year the band director was horrible - we were so mad that he had Ruined our band! We were his first class after graduating. At one point during a football game he got so mad at us he threw his keys to me, Gina and Suzy and said..."you think you can do better with this band than it's all yours!!!" and then he left....LOL...So after the game we took everyone back to the school and opened it up and put all the instruments away then had to lock up....But later Mr. Lock came to Gina's house and asked if she had Mr. B's keys and said she had to give them back because his house keys were on it...On Friday between the Pep Ralley and the game we had the Junior dinner in the cafeteria and the old gym and of course once again we sat there blurting out things that we remembered... Our school having the most AMAZING food - the smell of homeade rolls when you were crossing the sidewalk from the Elemetary building and of course the gravey....oh my!!!!...the square pizza...the homeade tamales....We were spoiled with our Lunch Ladies...But then we had to question the whole half a pear with mayo in the middle and shredded cheese on top....LOL!!

Okay - did I lie???  I could tell stories about the whole school - actually the whole town - and beyond...My head is reeling right now with memories...Sometimes when I come home I just get overwhelmed because that is what my head does the whole time. Everywhere I look there is a flashback to some point in my life... Most of them are good memories but some of them are't so wonderful...We all have those parts of our lives that we would like to forget....There have been several of those while I was here...Moments when I am caught off guard and it's like I was kicked in the gutt and I try to shake my head to get rid of the visions. Many are made up of actions from other people that break my heart for that young girl but there are my fare share of things that I did that I would like to erase from my mind as well...

I often wish that I would have had someone to help me during those years. To talk me through all the junk that gets thrown at you during your teen years. I had good friends but we were in it together - it was like pulling each other down while we were drowning. Now having kids of my own it breaks my heart when I see others saying mean, vicious things to young kids and they don't have any idea that they are literally scaring them for years to come...Words are very powerful!! As a mom I feel like I am in a constant game of ping pong...LOL...my kids walk out the door and get hurt and they come back home and I build them back up again only to send them out and have it happen all over again....Many mornings I have closed the door as my kids leave for school and I fall into a heap of tears because I know that their day is going to be filled with "cruel kids"...And yet as I was walking the halls the other day I had a thought...Yes, that stuff happens - all the time - but the one thing that I didn't have when I was a kid was the positive side at home. It was all one sided. So now that I watch my kids I think back...What if, even though I was hearing negative junk all the time, I was also being told daily how those people were wrong...What if I had someone constantly telling me that I was beautiful, talented, smart - every single day....I began to think about the stuff that I did endure throughout my years of growing up. Possibly the one positive thing that came from all that hurt is that it made me stronger - especially as a parent. When Rob is trying to convince me that things are going to be okay when I am in a pit I tell him that he has to be Louder than the negative noise in my head....That's my job as a mom... I have to make sure that My words of encouragement and truth are louder than the words that the world is throwing at my kids.....My prayer is that during these formative years my words become their words of truth.....

I think there is much to be learned from our pasts....I know sometimes it may seem easier to hide the bad stuff away but sadly when you do that you inadvertantly remove the good stuff too. Facing some of the hard memories this week haven't been all that fun but I would do it again and again...because I know that all of this life mixed together have made me who I am.....

Today I dream for you my friend the ability to look at your past....what can you learn from it? Be thankful for what it has taught you....and maybe you would say that you aren't happy with where you are - your past is a great place to start getting the answers as to why....What answers does your past hold and what can it teach you to make your future better???.... Take a little time to remember.......

The Desires of My Heart.....



This is my charm from my weekend with some incredible women.
The hearts represent each of us with the One on the stem
being our table leader....That was a life changing weekend...


con·tent 

adj.

1. Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.

The idea of being content is a tricky one...On the surface it seems like it is a noble thing. When you first hear this word your mind is probably drawn to thoughts of material possessions.......Is our home big enough... is our car "new" enough... do we really need a new purse....does my cell phone have enough bells and whistles....As a society it seems as if we are never Content with what we have...The media is always trying to convince us that we need bigger and better.

When you come across people who are just happy with what they "have" sometimes it is just hard to accept. They must be hiding something. And then you dive in a little deeper and you begin to uncover what events have transpired in their lives. What made their priorities shift from material  to relational...They understand that their house and everything in it is just stuff....And stuff doesn't bring you lasting happiness - relationships do....That is no more evident than when we are in Jamaica. A majority of the population have basically very little. And yet they are some of the happiest people I have met. But as you drive along the unpaved roads you constantly see groups of people....Men, Women and Children...playing cards or just sitting together in lawn chairs...My first American instinct honestly is....why aren't they at work trying to make their lives better. But then I think who's definition of Better? I think there is a balance but I know that those people have taught me a tremendous amount about priorities..

So I get that it is a good thing to be content in our materialistic lives but what about other areas. Yesterday I attended a tour of our local hospital. I have been asked to give the Welcoming and Closing speeches for the annual Fundraising Brunch. The CEO of the hospital was speaking to us and he made a simple but profound statement. Basically it was that who they are today will not be who they are in 5, 10 or 15 years....Our hospital was established in 1924 and because of our strong community it has made some incredible advances, especially within the last 15 years. It is not only aesthetically pleasing but the care that is given here has increased 10 fold...He discussed that it would be easy now that they just completed the new Med Surge floor to sit back and say...whooo...now we are done. But he said that is that is not good in any area of life. We always need to be searching for how we can be better.

On my way home that  thought just kept playing through my head. I think it is Extremely important for us to take moments to sit and breath and express our gratefulness for where God has us - for the gifts that he gives us. But then our next breath needs to be....so where do I go next??? I began to process that for myself...I am beyond grateful for the "gifts" that God has given me. My home in the woods, my Jeep that cleans up pretty good (even after 145,000 miles), my clothes (even if they are mostly from Walmart)...He has been beyond good to me. And I have also been extremely blessed with relationships. I have sisters that make me laugh so hard I cry and brothers that will always protect me. We have had our share of difficulties and our family tree may not look "normal" but I love each and every one of them all more deeply than anyone could imagine. I have had friendships that have lasted most of my life and I have met some amazing people throughout my life....My husband is the most incredible and loving man I could have ever dreamed of spending my life with and my children make me so proud sometimes it brings me to tears....(caveat....my marriage has been plagued with difficulties and my children have made many many mistakes....these 3 are not perfect people ..just as I am not....but they are MINE..and we are in this together....and I adore them with all my heart!!!!)

So if anyone would feel the urge to just be "Content" it would be me. And yet it seems that there is a constant knot in my stomach...He is constantly leading my on to a new adventure. A new journey with new people and new surroundings....Lucky for me I love adventure so the excitement makes me giddy....It's the work that is  involved that makes me think twice....I LOVE the going - it is the doing that holds me back...There are so many things in front of me right now...areas where I am praying for direction...I want to make sure they are not my DREAMS but his DESIRES for my heart.

Psalm 37:4-8 (New International Version)

 ⁴ Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.
 ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
       trust in him and he will do this:
 ⁶ He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
       the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
 ⁷ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
       do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
       when they carry out their wicked schemes.
 ⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
       do not fret—it leads only to evil.

This is one of my favorite parts of the Bible. I could sit and dissect it with you for hours. It is FILLED with wisdom. It first came to my attention several years ago while sitting at a table with a group of women in Texas that I had just met. We named our group..."Hearts Desire..." I have went to this passage countless times since that life changing weekend with those ladies. For me Desire is an Action word. Desire means that you want to go Somewhere...I think that is why I am so proud to call myself a dreamer...these are my Desires.....and then I am to DELIGHT in Him and He will give me the DESIRES of my heart.....**Here is the Key**....now listen close.....the fundamental part is that the closer I am to Him.....are you listening.....my DESIRES are His DESIRES.....sigh.........But on the flip side - the more distant I am from Him....the more My Desires are strictly my own....and trust me that only causes problems in my life....


Here is just a sample of my Desires from the list that I keep...some He has blessed me with and a few that still haven't happened but I believe they will...The ones that have happened have been surrounded my many many earnest hours of prayer...rarely do Big Dreams just "happen"...they require alot of work and commitment on our part....He does give gifts to those He loves but I believe that He also needs to be assured that the one's He entrusts with those gifts will be good caretakers of them...I pray that the he is proud of how I care for the gifts that He has blessed me with...

To go on a mission trip (Jamaica....)
To help start a church in our community that would impact lives (Hidden Valley Community Church..)
To be an author...
To speak in front of Thousands of people...
For Rob and I to start and care for an orphanage....


So today my Dream (or Desire) for you is to evaluate your Desires...... But what if you have no Desires?....what if life is too busy or you are to overwhelmed...too exhausted to Desire anything....The Bible tells us that God gives good gifts to those who ask.....ASK!!!! DESIRE!!! DREAM!!PRAY!!! He created  an amazing world with amazing people and amazing places....Allow yourself the freedom to Desire!!!!!

Have a Full and Beautiful Day my friends....

retirement

this is Jason's boat that we went out on...


I dream of retirement....I realize we have a few more years until we reach that age but this weekend we did a whole lot of dreaming about what that would look like.

We have some friends on Lake Michigan that have a small yacht (okay not good enough friends that we don't still have to pay them for our charter fishing trip - but friends just the same.) We met Captain Vern a few years ago when we went with Rich and Lisa on a charter fishing trip on the Lake. He is a great guy and wrote us each year asking us back. When we decided to go back this year he told us he had retired but he had someone that he highly recommended. But on one condition - he could come along.

We got to Port Washington on Saturday and they were having a festival (imagine that..) and there were tents all along the streets and music playing on the lake. Rob and I decided to walk through the produce which was Incredible and Rich and Lisa went into one building for a wine tasting from a local vineyard.. .Just a perfect day. We got checked into our hotel and headed over to find Jason and Captain Vern. We commented what a beautiful boat it was as we hopped inside. As we headed out we realized the waters were pretty rough. Jason said that when he took a group out that morning the waters were terrible but Captain Vern assured us they were suppose to "lay down" soon. The further out we got the worse I started to feel. As Jason and his ship mate began to put all 17 poles out in the water he noticed I didn't look so good. So he opened up the top of the boat so I could sit up there and get a good breeze. I have to say it was beautiful up there but the sickness really didn't subside. I stayed there for about an hour and a half and then headed down. I layed on the couch and Jason brought me a pillow and that is where I spent the remainder of my fishing excursion.



this is where I spent my day on the boat...

It was fun to watch them fish though. The first time we heard that reel whiz everyone's heart went crazy...Let the fun begin. Rob caught the first one and it was a nice Salmon. It was fun to watch him get so excited. He absolutely LOVES fishing. It doesn't' matter if it's in a big boat or sitting in the middle of nowhere in a canoe he just LOVES fishing. As the day went on Jason was telling us that he wanted to sell his boat. When he told us his price we were shocked $20,000. The four of us looked at each other with eyebrows raised. But we all new the reality - besides the fact that none of us had $20,000 just lying around we don't have the time. Summers are our busy season and we were thankful to get this one weekend together. What are the chances that we would be able to drive 3 hours enough times during the summer to make it worth the investment. And back to the money thing right now we have 1 child going into college and a teenage boy to feed...



Rob with his first salmon of the day....one happy guy...

Once we got back to shore and I got back on dry land and was able to stand upright we went with Captain Vern to a small restaurant on the Lake. We had such a nice visit listening to him tell stories about the things that he and his wife have done since he has retired. The next morning the four of us had breakfast at this adorable little deli that overlooked the marina when Captain Vern called up and wanted to stop by. He brought us some more fish that he had in his freezer that he uses for a fish boil that he does every summer. It was all cut up and deboned and ready to go. He and his wife were off for the day for a motorcycle ride....we all just sighed...



me and Lisa with Captain Vern....


On the way home we stopped for lunch at the Original Culvers in Sauk City and then we pulled into the Harley Davidson store. The guys drooled over all the bikes as Lisa and laughed while she tried on leather coats and doo rags. As we headed for home the guys were dreaming about the real possibilities of buying bikes and riding on the weekends. Although honestly that hasn't ever really interested me. I told them my dream is for Rob to fix up the 1968 convertible Firebird he bought when we were in the Air Force, now that would be fun. I would gladly take that across the country. It was fun to see everyone just getting excited about possibilities.

But then once again back to reality. All that would be nice but right now our priorities are working and our families. Rob puts in long days and so when he comes home there is not really time to go for a ride. We have a garden to hoe or bills to work on. "Free" time is spent going to events for the kids or an evening with friends or the various other responsibilities that we have.

I wouldn't trade my life for anything and I tell my kids that very often. This is the stage we are in right now and, like I have posted before, it goes much to fast. Too soon there will come a day when our home is empty and work has slowed down. We will both reminisce about these times in our lives. One of my big prayers is that we will be those grandparents that are on the go. That we will have the energy and ambition to take the grand kids on trips while their parents have to work...heehee...
I just reminding myself that everything has a season and we are to enjoy the season we are in and not be to quick to go on to the next....

My dream for you today is to live in your season...it is good to dream of the possibilities of the next but don't wish this one away to fast..

Have a wonderful day friends...

a runner by 1-11-11 (Day 1)

Okay - I can't believe that I am putting stuff like this out there because then there is a WHOLE lot of pressure to follow through. But this morning I was out for a run and I tried to decide how to keep myself motivated to run. I have tried to decide if it to sign up for the Mickey Mouse Marathon in January or Maybe a half marathon in October or even our local Symon's Fun Run (5K) in August.

I am so new at getting back into the running world that I really don't want to overwhelm myself yet. But I thought that if I wrote about my journey on my blog then it would encourage me to atleast keep moving.

Between 2006 and 2007 I ran 3 half marathons and many other races. But it is crazy how fast your body can revert back to it's old ways. So as I was out for my run this morning I started to get frustrated with myself. Mainly because my average minute per mile on my 3 mile run was 15.5 minutes. Not that even at my peak I was very fast but I just felt like I was literally at the bottom of a mountain looking up at how high I had to climb just to get to the point that I could honestly consider myself a runner again.

So that is why I have decided I am not making these journal entries about a specific event. My desire is to be able to confidently say I am a runner (okay a runner by very loose standards though...just to get that clear...)

My goal is to journal about my runs and workouts and non runs and fighting with myself about not wanting to workout. It won't be an everyday post but just when I feel like I need to get something out there that I don't want to forget.

So although this isn't my typical kind of posts it is most definately a dream.

So I encourage you to find something to dream about. What would you like to accomplish by 1-11-11. That is 175 Days!! Decide on a dream and let me know what it is...If you want the accountability I will even do a special post on my wall of everyone's dreams...

Well - dream on.....and have a great day

Free To Be Me

I dream of being free to be me. This is one of favorite running songs mainly because it energizes me and gives me hope. The words are so inspiring....

Free To Be Me....by Francesca Battistelli

At 20 years of age I'm still looking for a dream
The wars already waged for my destiny
But you've already wond the battle
And you've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see...

Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
See my life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt, oh...

Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek, oh
And it's easy to believe
Even though

Oh, I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you

I think we have all felt like this. Felt that we had to fit what someone else expected of us. We want others to like us - to accept us. So we try to make ourselves into what their mold is. We try to be them and to do it perfectly. In the process the pieces fall apart. We don't fit. The result is that we are unhappy and frustrated. When we finally figure out that following God's plan for us allows us to be free then we have a new energy and excitement for life.

I love how she says - But on your shoulders I can see. I picture being in a crowd and trying to find your way and all you see is are the bodies next to you. So you assume they know the way. So of course you follow them. But when you are on someones shoulders you can see the big picture. You can see the goal. You can see the reason you came. At that point the frustration is gone and you can Enjoy the Show....I just Love it.

So today my dream for you...Climb up on His shoulders and let Him guide you. Be free to be you and of course....Enjoy the Show!!!

Rob has a dream...Really??.......

Last night Rob took me out onto the hill where we sat so that I could get a photo before the sun went down. It was in the middle of supper. We raced up the hill and I took 2 photos and my battery died....He just shook his head....<3



I have the most wonderful husband Ever but we do go through difficulties...(i know shocker, huh? Well, unless you have sat at the supper table or been on a car ride with us..lol..) Honestly one of the points of contention is about dreaming and setting goals. As you are well aware of, I Love to have Dreams and set Goals and make Lists about Everything. So you can imagine my frustration when, years ago,the 2 of us are lying on a blanket looking up at the sky and I ask my dearly beloved what kind of things he dreams about. He then gives me his reply..."I don't have dreams" .."Ummm excuse me - maybe you don't understand what I mean...What are your goals for the future?" - and again I am stunned when he replies with "Linda, I have no Goals."..Gasp.... We must be talking in different language and well, in fact we are. Rob has never understood my life as a dreamer. Sometimes he looks at me with blank stares and I know he hears nothing more that the language of Charlie Brown's teacher. And yet he has always let me dream as big as I wanted. He lets me talk and show him charts and magazine cutouts. He then basically kisses me and pats me on the head and tells me that he loves me then goes about his life.

But I can't say that I respect his stance as much....I mean a life without hopes and dreams? - I can't fathom...So, I go about trying to coax him into being a dreamer. I think if I bring it up in different situations or show different ways of looking at it then he will allow his mind to drift and see endless possibilities for his life....His response..."Linda - my dream is to get the next job and my goal is to get it done"....(pretty cut and dry)

Well, on Sunday evening he and I went for a 4 wheeler ride. We ended up on a hill on the other side of our property. Although we live on a hill now we are set in the woods and you can't see the landscape for most of the year. Yet on this hill we sat there on the 4 wheeler looking out for miles at the beauty of the tops of green trees and cornfields. We could see the next ridge with it's corn silos and barns. So, Rob started talking about how he would love to build a cabin up there. With a covered porch so he could sit in his rocking chair and watch the storms come in and enjoy the sunsets. He knows that in the backyard is the best fence row for finding morel mushrooms...(oops did I put that in print...yikes..). I watched him talk about it and then I sat completely still for fear that if I moved it would break the moment. And then finally I spoke...."see, you do dream....sigh..." So, we sat there for quite awhile thinking and planning knowing full well at the reality that it may not happen but enjoying it just the same. (For me it's probably not happening because it would would be a cabin with an outhouse and no internet....calm down...I'm just kidding - a little..)

There is a funny side note to all of this...as we sat there on our 4 wheeler looking out on the valley and dreaming about building there we both laughed. Almost 13 years ago we sat on a 4 wheeler in about the exact place I am sitting at this moment. The snow was falling and as this West Texas girl looked out over the beautiful scene through the barren trees I asked if there was any way possible to build a house on this hill. He looked around and said he thought it could happen. And so my sweet husband went about making yet another one of my dreams a reality. And this is where I have to say that although Rob may not be a dreamer he has pretty much benefitted off of mine. I tell him that without my dreams we would still be living in a 1971 mobile home and driving a brown AMC spirit!! LOL!! We balance each other perfectly. I am a dreamer but he is a follow thougher....Man I love that guy!!

99 things to do before I die...

1. Start own blog *
2. Slept under the stars *
3. Take cooking class
4. Visited Hawaii *
5. Watched a meteor shower/northern lights *
6. Rode in a hot air balloon
7. Been to Disneyworld and Disneyland *
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis *
10. Spoke in front of a large audience
11. Bungee jumped *
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm *
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch *
15. Went on a mission trip *
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables *
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train *
21. Riden in a small plane
22. Hitch hiked
23. Been to Alaska
24. Built a snow fort *
25. Read a classic book *
26. Gone skinny dipping *
27. Run a Marathon/Half Marathon *
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset from a mountaintop *
31. Went a week without electronics
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community *
36. Learn a whole song in sign lanuguage
37. Gone on vacation in a convertable
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Looked at the stars on a mountaintop in Hawaii *
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant... *
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight *
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling *
52. Kissed in the rain *
53. Played in the mud *
54. Gone to a drive-in theater *
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business *
58. Taken a yoga class
59. Visited Germany
60. Served at a soup kitchen *
61. Ridden the largest roller coaster in USA
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason *
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma *
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Seen a volcano *
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy *
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar *
72. Pieced a quilt *
73. Stood in Times Square *
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Do something Crazy *
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Had a speeding ticket *
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car *
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper *
85. Read the entire Bible *
86. Visited the White House
87. Visit Australia
88. Had the chickenpox *
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one *
94. Had a baby *
95. Seen the Alamo in person *
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit *
98. Owned a cell phone *
99. Backpack over the Alps

promise me there will be no laundry in heaven......

This was from a photo shoot that I did. Maybe if I had a laundry room like this I would enjoy doing my laundry....yeah, you're right...probably not.

I dream about NEVER having to do laundry again!! I have been very passionate about this one throughout my entire life. I don't mind Cleaning at all. I would choose dusting behind my fridge over laundry. In fact I sort of enjoy cleaning but when it comes to laundry - I dread it...I have always dreamed of being one of those women (like my sister and mother-n-law) that actually take the clothes out of the dryer when it beeps - fold it right then - and PUT IT AWAY!!..Sigh..... My beeper has been permanently removed because of the way it taunts me ..."HELLO.. GET IN HERE..HEY LADY, ARE YOU EVER GOING TO COME GET THESE CLOTHES OUT?" Yeah, those timers are too much pressure.

I remember when I thought that maybe if I would get a clothes line that would make me enjoy it more...WHAT??? If I already don't like putting it from the washer into the dryer that is right beside it what in heaven's name is going to make me want to put it in a basket, traipse outside, spend an insane amount of time hanging it up and then have to have the incentive to go out later and bring it back in and still have to put it away...um, yeah - that didn't last long.

This morning at 5 am I heard those dreaded words from my dear husband..."do I have any clean underwear in the laundry room?" That simple statement sends my whole body into a cold sweat covered in a layer of dread...My initial response is - are you kidding me?? it's 5 am...Followed with - please don't make me have to get out of bed to go look... quickly followed by - I REALLY don't want him to go look (he might catch on that I was on the computer blogging all day yesterday) Concluding with - I am such a bad wife....Laundry + me = Guilt.....give me a toilet to clean any day...

meeting the man of my dreams...

One of the benefits of being a dreamer is the ability to transport yourself back in time and loose yourself in a memory. At 6 o'clock this morning my sweet husband, Peter comes in our room like he does every morning with a glass of water and some medication that I have to take daily. (he knows how I have a difficult time with consistency..) Peter is a nickname that I gave to him a few years ago. In the Bible Peter's name means "The Rock" and that is what he is for me...My Rock.. This is only one of the many sweet things he does for me and it Always makes me smile (even though it IS 6 a.m.). This morning as he walked in I was looking out the window smiling and he asked me what was making me so happy. I told him I was thinking about the day we met. He just laughed - sometimes he doesn't understand how my head works but he agreed it makes him smile too.

I had no clue that warm Texas night on March 14, 1987 as I got ready to go cruise 34th Street with my friends that my life would forever change in so many directions. If I had, I would have paused to savor so many of those moments. As I picked out the crazy floral skirt and that silly bright yellow sweater I would never have dreamed the impact it would make on a certain young man I was about to encounter.

The week before, my long time boyfriend informed me that we should "see other people". So Zanna Sue, one of my best friends decided I needed to get out of the house. We stopped by and picked up another friend who lived down the road from me and we headed to town in Zanna's mom's Ford Escort with LAW license plates.(..lol...inside joke...) The thing to do on a Friday night was to cruise 34th street from the car wash to the Easy Mart. Well, at one point we see this car - it was a Red 1969 Chevelle with a black top and Wisconsin plates. And driving this car was the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen! We saw him and his 2 friends a few more times and then finally we pulled up side be side at a stop light (in front of der Weinershnitzel..lol) and we both had our windows down. That was the first time I saw those Incredible Blue eyes. Zanna leaned over and asked him..."Hey, are you Really from Wisconsin?" And that was where it all began...

So, I TOTALLY realize that this next step was irresponsible and if it were my daughter I would have gone completey insane and I would not recommend this to any young girl but nonetheless this IS part of OUR story... We went to a park that was nearby and we all 6 got out. We sat on the swings for awhile and chatted. It turns out these guys were in the Air Force...Oh, My...this made everything even more exciting..not just your average idiot high school boys. (once again, I know, we should have ran...) We decided to walk a few blocks for Zanna to show us a house she lived in when she was little. So, as we walked it turned out that Peter and I sort of ended up side by side just chatting away like crazy. He was telling me about his family and his life in Wisconsin and I shared my life as well. As we turned to head back he reached over and held my hand. We had to get going and so he walked me to our car. As the others got inside the cars we stayed back - I still remember us staring into each others eyes in the moonlight - sappy, I know, but true. Then he reached down and gave me a light kiss...sigh....Knowing him like I do now that was SOOO out of character for him. When I asked him about that later he just said, "I knew I had to do Something...I knew you were special...and I didn't know how to make sure you remembered me..."

We didn't even exchange numbers that night which makes the story even better. We had mentioned to them where we were going to be the next evening....So, to shorten the story, atleast a bit....That next night in walks the Man of My Dreams....I know, more sappy stuff, but so true. That evening we sat a talked for hours and we finally exchanged phone numbers. He called me that week and our first date was on my birthday the next weekend.

He IS the Love of my Life and I tell him often....This morning as he sat and waited for me to take my medicine he said those words to me as well. We realize we have a fairytale marriage. We have been through our fair share of difficul times. Uncertain times. I have not always been the wife he deserved and I have been deeply hurt by actions of his as well. There have been Many tears shed throughout our marriage. But we can both honestly say there has not been one moment in 23 years that I haven't Loved him. And we are not about to take that Love for granted - not one minute...He is the most amazing man God could have ever blessed me with...He is My Rock.....

my lifelong dream....

I'll say it flat out........I dream of being Thin....yep, that's my dream. That's the dream that I wake up with every morning and live all day long and I fall asleep with at night. Wow, not easy to just put it out there like that but it is such a part of who I am. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely Love my life. I have the most incredible, sexy, caring and loving husband any woman could ever dream of. And honestly I have 2 children that are every mother's dream. I love where I live and where I am in my life right now.

And yet the same fear that was with me when I was 10 years old is the same fear that is with me at 40. The fear that others judge me. The fear that I won't be able to fit in my blue jeans the next time I try them on. The fear that Oprah is going to call me and ask me to be on her show and I am going to look like this.....(yep, that's how my head works). My life revolves around my weight...I should go for a run, I should start a new diet, I should sign up for a gym membership, I should go shopping for "healthy food", a new calendar will help, or maybe a new exercise outfit. It's never ending. And as quickly as the excitement comes the disappointment is surely to follow....The money wasted on the unused gym membership, the stack of diet books staring at me that never got read, the "healthy" foods that I ended up throwing away, the exercise outfit that is now to small (followed by the thought - If I thought I was fat when I bought it what must I be now??..)

One of the positives that comes from getting older is the ability to see patterns. One pattern for me is that the moment I start seeing real progress or someone says something positive about my weight I know that very soon I will revert back to my old habits. I haven't quite figured out why but I know it to be true. I wonder if somewhere deep inside my head there is a comfort in being overweight. If there is a security in knowing what the future holds in this area - like the one thing I can control....diet, gain, diet, gain, diet, gain....all the things that go along with my weight I know and understand - I could write a book or teach a seminar....( a LONG seminar). But with everything else it is a world unknown. My kids are growing and will be gone before long. My marriage is wonderful, but what if something were to happen to the man who is my best friend. Our business has always been good but as we are seeing we are never assured of what our economy will do. Houses burn down, people pass away, friends turn their back on you and yet the one thing I know is that today I will battle with the brownies on my counter. I know that I will struggle 20 times inside my head trying to make myself go for a run. I know that one day I will get on the scale and be proud and the next the same task will put me in a pit.

My weight loss battle has been with me as long as I can remember. It has been more consistent than anything else in my life. I know it is there. I know it will never leave me. I know it knows every thought in my head. It understands my tears and it rejoices in our triumphs. So, back to my dream of being thin. I think somewhere inside it scares me. That if I become healthy and fit people will see me as different and expect different things from me....or maybe that will be what I will do to myself...and then that "friend" that has been with me might start to fade away just like the other things in my life and that scares me more than everything that comes with being overweight....hhhmmm....

my blogging dream....

Okay still obsessed with figuring out the whole blog thing....you know, the excitement of the possibilities and my fear of total rejection...What if Nobody ever reads my blog? What if they do read it and think, "why am I wasting my life reading this stuff...." What if no one wants to Follow Me? Crazy stuff goes through my head. Do you see why I overwhelm myself?

Okay, now I am going to share with you one of my Dreams...one that I have had for a long time...I have constantly dreamed of having one of those blogs with a couple of girl friends where we all update stuff and each have our quirky sides. Whenever I come across those kinds of blogs I get this kind of longing...I know pretty sappy huh? I also have this dream of having this amazing following of people who constantly comment on my posts and ask me all kinds of questions and tell all their friends about this amazing blog that they just have to check out.....And so here I am...once again attempting this adventure and truly wanting this to become a routine part of my life.

So after all of this you are probably wondering okay enough of the whole talking about blogging when is this woman going to actually start talking about something....anything?... Let's say tomorrow okay? Tomorrow I will start actual posts....I am so excited?? See you tomorrow!!!

i'm definately a dreamer..

Most everything I've ever done has probably been on some kind of list or another. I love looking ahead to things I want to do. Because of this I have a difficult time staying in the present. That is one of the things that I wish I was better at..(maybe if I put it on a list...hhhmm...) But I think that dreaming and looking ahead has helped me to accomplish things that I never would have. Had I put blinders on and only lived in the here and now I think I would have considered my life Boring. But I can't say that about my life. I believe I have lived an amazing, beautiful and adventurism life. There is something exhilirating about dreaming about something - whether it be building a new home or buying a new outfit. I believe that is why they say the best part of a trip is planning it. Maybe because during the planning you can imagine amazing things that probably won't even happen but it's as if you get to enjoy it in a whole different way.