Thursday, July 29, 2010

a completed journal....

Only a very few of my journals...

I dream of completing a journal...

My name is Linda Wanless and I have a journal collecting addiction. I LOVE a new journal. Even sitting here thinking about journals gets me giddy. I know I am a little off but if you haven't figured that out by now then you have a few problems of your own. If journaling has never even crossed your mind then you really have no idea what goes through the mind of an addict like me.

First there is the selection of the journal. This is the first sign that I have an addiction. I have honestly tried to walk into Barnes and Noble and leave without visiting the journal section. But it is like a shopaholic not visiting the clearance section of Dooney and Bourke...impossible! I nonchalantly walk over to browse and I feel like a kid in a candy shop. The massive selection of colors, textures, sizes and the smell of leather...oh, my... I begin to pick them up one by one envisioning that this time it will be different. If only I could find the perfect journal than I am sure that I would fill it from beginning to end. It has to have just enough color to keep me interested for a long period of time but not to much that I get nauseous when I look at it. It has to have the correct binding - will it lay flat or be able to bend around so I can hold it comfortably in my hands? Is the weight good? Is it too bulky or to small? Does it need to able to fit easily inside my purse or on my bedside table?

Then there are the things that the layperson might think are nonessential but are of utter importance...What pen will I use? Black, blue or a colored pen, ball point or felt tip or maybe even markers so that I can use different colors for the mood I am in? Does the pen fade through the page onto the other side? If I choose one certain pen will I always have it handy because I KNOW in my head that if I don't I will discontinue writing in it because the ink won't match. What FONT will I use...Now quit laughing at me....I'm serious. Should I use cursive or print...large or small....go with how I feel that day? Is the journal the way I like it or do I need to add embellishments - ribbon, words, something to make it Perfect? How often will I journal...once a day, once a week or when the urge hits me?

And then the most important step...what should I journal about? Should it be stories about my life growing up? (for that all important day when I am begged to write an autobiography..) Or maybe ideas for books or articles. A journal of vacations we have taken. Conversations to my kids telling them about their days so they can read them when they are older. The gratitude journal following Oprah's example - 5 things that I am thankful for today. There is the typical journaling about my day to day life. A journal of my prayers to God and how he answers them. A journal of my hopes and dreams. There are so many choices......And yet out of that list above I have started them all and so many more but sadly I admit that I have completed very few.

As you have read this you probably understand that I set myself up for disappointment when it comes to journaling. I put alot of pressure on that little book. And as I am writing I realize so much of this thought process happened when I started my blog. I have just transferred those irrational OCD feelings over to the cyber world. But I have truly been working on the idea of Not Being Perfect... Of just being me.. If I want to change my layout every week than I can or if I choose to use a different font next month then the world is not going to crumble around me.
This form of journaling has been so freeing for me. I don't know that I have ever been more real with an audience about my fears and faults. It has allowed me to feel more authentic than I have for most of my life. And I do this not just for the entertainment for all of you (although I can't lie - your encouragement and comments have stroked my ego and pushed me to continue) But it has allowed me to verbalize some of the imperfections that I hold inside that make me feel inadequate. They may seem tiny and insignificant to others but in my own head they all add up and weigh me down. Satan has way too much power over our thoughts when we allow them to float around inside our minds - but when we release those thoughts then much of the power is gone. So the more I can free them the lighter I feel. And in the process I get to give you all a few moments of humor.

So today my dream is for you to find something to feel lighter about - free yourself of something that is really insignificant in the scope of eternity. Decide if it is an area you want to improve on, let go of or just be content to be the way you are.

Have a blessed day friends!!

1 comment:

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