The Joy of the Lord.....

Heart, originally uploaded by pieceofheaven.

Last night I was watching the Biggest Loser with my sweet husband. I have watched the transformations these individuals have made and it always moves me to tears. For so many reasons....I am so happy for them and for their families....I understand what that change is going to mean for them....I know their futures are forever changed....well, at least for the ones that truly "get it". The ones that have worked through their issues and know why they turn to food for comfort...why they would rather sit in front of a TV watching others loose weight than do it themselves.



I've been there. I've had the motivation and the time and the determination to get the weight off. To get healthy. But what I don't think I have ever dealt with is Why??...I keep repeating the same patterns throughout my whole life. And I keep ending up right back at the same spot or even worse. And so I gain weight and that makes me depressed and then I am depressed so I gain weight....



During a week moment last night I asked Rob if he would be my personal trainer. So when Rob takes something on he does it with everything he has. So this morning starting at 6 am he starts asking me if I am ready to get up and exercise....uuummm...NO!...It's dark and I'm sleeping!! So for the next half hour he worked on irritating me enough that I finally got up so he would quit bothering me. He informed me that we were going outside for a run...Are you CRAZY? It's 10 degrees outside...So he says.."then you will have to put on alot of layers..."



I knew Rob was taking this serious when we were ready to start he asked if he could pray...That was so Sweet!! As he was praying he said..."I thank you that Linda has the desire to be out here..." And I couldn't quit laughing....Ummm. I had the desire to go to a heated gym....You were the one who drug me out in the Frozen Tundra....



I will admit I was GRUMPY....He kept wanting to run and when I would "run" he was still walking...which makes me remember what a slow runner I am.....The farther we went I was torn...I was enjoying being outside but I kept getting madder and madder. He didn't realize that part of Bob and Jillian's role is counselor. So as much as I needed to exercise I needed to get stuff out...Why can't I get a handle on this???...Why do other people not struggle with this??...Why am I even trying???



At one point I had a visual....My heart was tired....Not physically (but it could be that too!) But my heart is just tired of everything........selfish people............people that I feel disappoint me........circumstances that I am tired of dealing with........tired of disappointing myself......I'm just tired!!



Last night I actually got out my book, Fearless Living. I have so many things highlighted and circled - I just started reading.....A few of them stood out....



But there is never a guarantee. While we wait for circumstances or people to change that are outside of our control, we can end up feeling sorry for ourselves, resentful and helpless...



Expectations will always build evidence for you and against others...



She had to accept where she was before she could move forward....


I could go on and on.....So many powerful things....that is what I want...To Live Fearless!!!!



I don't want others choices to affect me in such a way that I can't function.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself, resentful or helpless....

I don't want to put expectations on others so much so that it drags me down when they don't meet them..

I want to stop giving others control of my Joy and Peace!!

I want to accept where I am...to own it....so that I can move forward with my life!!!.....



So...does this all mean that in the morning I am going to jump up out of bed with a smile on my face and be ready to take on the day.....Ummm....I don't know if I would go that far. But I do know that I want to take my power back. I know to many people that are Negative....I don't ever want to be that....I often tell myself that I remember when I was a Happy Person.....I still have every reason to be happy. If others around me choose to live in constant negativity than I can't let that alter my life....




10 Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”



That is how I want to live my life....Enjoying food and not letting it dominate me......Helping those that are in need......and not grieving because I KNOW that my Joy comes from the LORD and I find my strength in HIM!!!!....

Can I get an Amen??......

Today I dream for you.....Joy.....the Joy that comes from HIM....not that Joy that the world offers that comes and goes...but the Joy that comes deep within your soul......



Have a JOYFUL day friend.....

I've lost my marbles

Colorful Marbles, originally uploaded by pieceofheaven.

Sometimes I think my husband is sure that I have lost my marbles....LOL

The other night we were at our JMP meeting discussing what we would like to do on our vacation days after working at the orphanage. I quickly piped up and said that I wanted to go parasailing...I have always wanted to do that, to be high above the water and looking down at the beautiful landscape (especially of Jamaica). Doc commented that you know they have spots for 2 people and so I looked at Rob and smiled....He's not quite as "adventurism" as me. Rob is the practical, down to earth....let's just say he's the brains of this couple....LOL!!

He has always been an amazing supporter of the crazy things that I have done throughout our life together....all the little businesses that I started....but never stuck to.....let's see if I can remember them....there was selling Mary Kay (but I hated selling anything because I really just like how organized all the products looked on my shelf). There was the shirt painting...the craft booths...the card making....and the one the lasted the longest....scrapbooking. I taught Creative Memories for several years and I have to say a lot of good did come out of that one...There are probably plenty of other ones that I have blocked out of my memory.

Rob was also very supportive when I began running. During the races he would bring the kids and they would come to different spots along the route to cheer me on. And when I returned to school he was very understanding when it was Semester Final time and they lived off of cereal.....LOL!! He highly agreed that I needed to go help with Hurricane Katrina and now he is supporting me in my writing. Rob has always been my biggest fan in everything I do.

There is one thing that he wasn't supportive of...  In fact he was down right upset with me. Which is the main reason that I didn't tell him until I had already done it :-/ Summer before last I took my daughter and our exchange daughter to Wisconsin Dells to cross something off of my "bucket list". I went Bungee Jumping!! ...Yep...Crazy! It was about 130' and the only good thing about it was the nice view from up top. I was just looking at some videos of people jumping at the Dells and they were like 2 min long....My video was like 7 min....LOL...I kept thinking I was ready and then.......uummm, wait....Finally what made me do it is that I knew that if I just went back down that it would still be on "my list”. There would be a day that I was going to have to try again…Dang nab it!!! So it was easier just to get it over with so I could cross it off my list...I know...I know....

The worst part, obviously, was telling your brain that it was okay for your body to fall over the side of the ledge into midair. My brain and my legs were not agreeing at all. But of course after the initial drop it was sort of fun....Fun enough that I would ever do it again???.........uuummmmmm .....NO!!!!

When I called and told Rob what I had done he was MAAAAD!! Rob never gets Mad at me...I mean yeah if I don't turn the lights off when I walk out of the room he gets irritated. But he never gets MAD but this time I knew what was coming...."Linda, What were you thinking????" ooohhh and he never calls me Linda....I knew I was in deep trouble….I don't think "Peeps" would have had the same effect....LOL!!! What it came down to, and I knew it, is that he was scared that something would happen to me.....everyone together.........aaaaaawwww, how sweeet.......

It's funny that when we met Rob was the guy in the racecar and I was in a Ford Escort. Maybe that's why I was attracted to him I thought he was adventursm (sure it had nothing to do with he was just plain Gorgeous) but the reality is that he probably bought that car because it was in good shape and at a good price....(Just kidding Rob – you know I Love You )..!!

But the two of us do balance each other out. Without Rob who knows what a mess my life would be. I need someone to tone me down sometimes....Sometimes dreams just need to be that...dreams...And Rob knows that without me he would not have had the adventures and travel that he has had. We talk about all of this often and how blessed we are to have found each other.

So back to the parasailing adventure....well that has yet to be determined....I am giddy excited about it....Rob not so much....He hasn't said no. He just gives me this look with a little grin like...You really aren't going to make me do this are you?....And he knows full well that just about every adventure that I have talked him into he was grateful for afterwards....with exception of the Roller Coasters....I don't think that will ever happen again….:-)

Today I dream for you....an adverture!!!!....Make someone think that you have Lost Your Marbles....LOL!! Life is to short and there is so much to do......If you need ideas let me know – I will share some of mine with you!!

Have a wonderful day friend….

the white line

In 2005 I began what would be a short running career. By the end of 2007 I had run 3 half marathons and countless other 5 and 10k’s. Although I never even considered running before. I learned to love everything about it. The alone time with God. The way my body was beginning to tone up. The feeling of accomplishment after a race. But in the Fall of 2007 I decided to return to school after 19 years and thus my running shoes would begin to gather dust.

As I ran my races I began to notice that I was a creature of habit. As the race began and the crowd dispersed I was usually left behind. My body never believed me when I tried to convince it that we were runners. I would find my rythym and take my place on the white line at the side of the road. As I would run (using that term loosely) I began to think about the symbolism of that line and relate it to my journey with God.

I would think about how God’s plan for my life is like that line. It is there to protect and guide me. But along the way there are obstacles that will try to interfere with my goal. If I just keep my eyes on the line then I won’t lose my way. Along the way I come across curves and intersections…mud puddles and potholes...accidents in my path that bring me to a complete halt… And more times that I care to admit I get so confident that I believe I can do this on my own. I take my eyes off the line and look to the crowds around me to show me the way. But while the crowd begins to encompass me and I lose sight of my safe white line I get nervous and I look down to find that without even noticing I am now standing on a  yellow dotted line and I panic. It is easy to follow the yellow line with a crowd around you for safety but what about when I am all alone? What if this yellow line becomes my normal? I know people that choose the yellow line. They seem to be constantly weaving and ducking and ultimately getting injured only to crawl their way ahead to get up and do it again. I begin to yearn for my white line.

God has created us to draw near to Him. When we are closest to Him we feel safe and secure. We feel encouraged and hopeful. It is much too easy to follow the groups around us that lead us into sin. But He tells us to throw all of that off. Because when we are free of all that junk than we can RUN the race He marked out for us. There have actually been times during my “running career” where I felt like I was running. When I didn’t worry about how I looked or the people around me. Those are the times that I am the most at peace as a runner. That is the life that I long for. I want to know that He is guiding my steps. And we know that the medal at the end will be better than anything imaginable.

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw

 off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with

perseverance the race marked out for us.

Hebrews 12: 1-2

stories of a not so fast runner....

Last night I went for a run. I was scheduled to go for a 4 mile run but once I was out there it was so beautiful I didn't want to stop. I have gotten into a routine now. I drive my Jeep to the bottom of the hill - if you would see my driveway you would understand. I take some final drinks from my water bottle, clear the calories on my heart rate monitor, turn my Ipod to number 9 and start my stopwatch.

It's so funny the things that I had forgotten about running. For instance I HATE it the first 2 miles and then after that I don't want to quit. At mile 3 I start thinking that I should have worn a different shirt because the cute one I chose is now rubbing the flesh off of my arm pits. At mile 5 my right shoulder goes out of socket (everytime) and then at mile 6 I remember the term "runners trots..." and if you don't know the meaning behind that one I am not going to explain it on here. Although I didn't make it farther than 7.5 last night I remember that at mile 10 I really want to throw my IPOD on the ground because the thought of hearing the theme song to St. Elmos Fire one more time I just might scream. At mile 12 I can't really remember my name and at mile 13 you are cursing the person who decided to put that stupid .1 on the end to make it a half marathon.

And yet for some strange reason I am so excited to be running again. I love the time alone just thinking and pushing myself to do more - believing that I can someday get faster. Oh, the stories I have about being a not so fast runner...Like getting to the half way mark of these little country 5/10K runs and the people that are handing out the water have already deserted the area. I have gotten to the end of a 17 mile walk only to have nothing but bananas and warm bottled water left and the ER people packing up to leave...aren't we the people they should be sticking around for? I have been followed by the ambulance and the people taking the cones down as you pass.

But have to say that the most stressful was when me and my friend Ali were running the Grandma's Half Marathon (aka..the Gary Bjorkland) in Minnesota. At about 12 miles after looking at my feet for the last hour, trying to tune out the band with the bagpipes and repeating the middle school cheer.."I feel good..oohh I feel so good..hey" for the billionth time in my head.. a woman with some sign stepped smack dab in front of me and yells..."Get Off The Course!!!!" You can only imagine the confusion that was going through my mind - which at this point was the consistency of Jello. I panicked and looked around for Ali...Evidently the Evil woman had apprehended her as well because she stood on the sidewalk as dazed and confused as I was. The thing about this particular race is that you have to stay below a certain time. The reason is that the Marathon actually starts at the same time as the Half Marathon but the Marathoners begin 13.1 miles behind us. The problem arises when the slower of the Half and the fastest of the Full combine. They don't want that to happen - I would assume it might take away from the photo finish on the front page of the newspaper if this long legged African guy is neck and neck with a 5'2" pale white woman dragging her right arm and her crying friend across the finish line (okay, it may have been the other way - but it was pretty much a blur at that point. But back to story of the crazy woman - we never found out who that psycho was but we looked at each other and decided we didn't care what she said we were determined to finish that race. So for the next mile we would switch spots of encourager and crybaby about a dozen times. I kept saying "I have NOT come this far for them not to give me that stinkin' medal...I don't care who I have to talk to but I am NOT leavin' here without that thing around my neck..." And all Ali kept thinking about was her family at the finish line ......So we pressed on and crossed the finish line. I do rememver that I had this precious boy with Downs Syndrome place my medal around my neck and then I got my T-Shirt - I was on top of the world...and then tried my darndest not to pass out.

There have been some crazy things that have happened on my journey as a runner. And I am so excited for all those things again....And the one thing that I do have going for me that some of those girls with the long legs and the great feet don't have...after a race of that length and we all loose our toenails I don't even cry because I barely had any to loose in the first place....:-)

1-11-11 Goal (rainy day workout)

So today I got up at 5:30 to go outside for my run because we were suppose to get storms all day long. As I walked outside I realized I was too late. After whining and complaining for awhile I decided to go do the treadmill.

My exercise studio is in the garage…LOL…(I like to call it that). I have a treadmill that I have had for about 6 years, an electrical stationary bike that none of the readings work and it won’t change speeds so I don’t use it but it makes me feel like I’m at a gym. I do have a nice weight machine that is tucked into the corner. It’s huge and impossible to move so now that it is there it isn’t going anywhere. I think that gives Becca some comfort knowing that when she goes off to college her room won’t get turned into an exercise room.

I head out there and get on the treadmill, not excited at all. Realize that maybe if I open the garage doors then I will feel like I am running outside. Get off and do that. Back on. I watch Pup stare at me for a long time and I can only assume that he is wondering why we are up at this crazy hour and what the heck am I doing on this machine. Keep running. I get fed up with looking at the dirt on my treadmill so I have to go get a washcloth to clean it off and then I might as well clean my other stuff while I am at it (even the bike…lol…- that’s the OCD in me) Back to running. Pup then starts carrying around one of those little bug catcher things that the Orkin man puts out. I have to get off and take it away from him. I finally get into a pretty good rhythm and start to enjoy myself. I watch Pup chase a frog around and enjoy the sound of the rain pouring down.

I finally get done with 1 mile (yep-that’s it –sorry if I disappointed you) and I am completely drenched. I thought to myself that I might as well have run in the rain. I did a half a mile cool down and decided to do some weights.

The weights felt good and then I tried to do some lunges across the garage and then I did something not to smart. I tried hopping across the floor. The first jump and my right knee screamed at me. I have had lots of problems with it so I promised it that I wouldn’t try that move again.

Although I will admit I really fought hard this morning against exercising at all. I didn’t want to do anything. It was a great day to curl up in bed with a good book. I realize that I didn’t do as much as I wished I had but I did something. I know I dream of being a runner by 1-11-11 but my first step is to run…maybe it won’t be fast or beautiful or long but I have to start somewhere.

Dream on everyone and have a great day!

a runner by 1-11-11 (Day 1)

Okay - I can't believe that I am putting stuff like this out there because then there is a WHOLE lot of pressure to follow through. But this morning I was out for a run and I tried to decide how to keep myself motivated to run. I have tried to decide if it to sign up for the Mickey Mouse Marathon in January or Maybe a half marathon in October or even our local Symon's Fun Run (5K) in August.

I am so new at getting back into the running world that I really don't want to overwhelm myself yet. But I thought that if I wrote about my journey on my blog then it would encourage me to atleast keep moving.

Between 2006 and 2007 I ran 3 half marathons and many other races. But it is crazy how fast your body can revert back to it's old ways. So as I was out for my run this morning I started to get frustrated with myself. Mainly because my average minute per mile on my 3 mile run was 15.5 minutes. Not that even at my peak I was very fast but I just felt like I was literally at the bottom of a mountain looking up at how high I had to climb just to get to the point that I could honestly consider myself a runner again.

So that is why I have decided I am not making these journal entries about a specific event. My desire is to be able to confidently say I am a runner (okay a runner by very loose standards though...just to get that clear...)

My goal is to journal about my runs and workouts and non runs and fighting with myself about not wanting to workout. It won't be an everyday post but just when I feel like I need to get something out there that I don't want to forget.

So although this isn't my typical kind of posts it is most definately a dream.

So I encourage you to find something to dream about. What would you like to accomplish by 1-11-11. That is 175 Days!! Decide on a dream and let me know what it is...If you want the accountability I will even do a special post on my wall of everyone's dreams...

Well - dream on.....and have a great day

a happy run.....

****photo to come***

Yesterday was my absolute dream run and believe me it wasn't because I had my best time ever. Although I did shave a whole 3 seconds off of my goal time on my second mile...:-)

First of all it was great that the rain stopped for awhile so that I could even go. It felt so good to be out there again. The trees were green and the sky was so blue and it smelled just heavenly. My IPOD was fully charged (which is a miracle in itself) and I found myself just smiling as I looked around. As I got down the road I see my father in law on the tractor and I wave over to him and he gives me one of those Big Arm Waves...I smile again. I keep running (using the term Very loosely) and as I get to my first turn I see my sister n law and niece riding towards me on their bicycles..(Lisa is my sister n law but she has also been my friend since we were little. She stood up in our wedding in Texas in 1988 with Rob's brother. Long story short - they just celebrated 13 years of marriage on Saturday and live 2.5 miles from us...) and I smile again. So I run on and pass the King Farm which ALWAYS makes me smile. It is an old barn with no house but the people that own it come and mow every weekend. When I go by I almost always stop at the spring out in front. You can lay on your belly on a rock and reach down and get fresh water that has come right from the Earth not 5 seconds before...aahhh....So as I was running toward home a neighbor (who has been Rob's friend since they were young and was actually stationed in Lubbock where I grew up) passed and leaned out the window cheering for me and clapping like I was running a marathon...smile again...

Then as I pass my in laws house my husband pulls out of their drive in his big red diesel truck and and stops to give me a kiss...smile again...but then after all of this my favorite part happened. As I was getting close to the stream that crosses in front of our land I see my 18 year old daughter with a group of friends. They were carrying buckets (more like cups, totes and a pink plastic purse) across to an area that was previously dirt and making it into mud. I had to stop and see what they were doing. They all started using it like war paint and then laying in it and squeezing it between their fingers. They laughed and laughed and said they felt like little kids...I grabbed one of their camera's and snapped some photos...LOL!! So, as I left towards home I honestly could not stop smiling Huge....then Rob pulled up beside me as I ran the rest of the way he drove and cheered me on....

I can't imagine ever having such a perfect 3 mile run...and I love that it had nothing to with time but about enjoying the world around me. I realize that I am absolutely blessed that God has given me a running path like he has....:-)

Dreaming of Goofy.....

(someday I hope to have a picture like this...)

In 2006 I ran my first half marathon and then in 2007 I ran 2 more as well as several 5K, 10K and other races. The fall of 2007 I decided to go back to college and so ended my running career. I LOVED running while I was doing it and I really miss everything that goes with it - especially the Medals!! From my very first run I had my mind set on another race - The Ultimate Medal (well atleast for me). The Goofy Medal....sigh....I have been dreaming about that medal for years.

The only way to earn a Goofy Medal is to be completely insane. The race is run at Disneyworld. On Saturday you run a Half Marathon (13.1 miles) through Magic Kingdom and Epcot. When you finish you receive a Donald Duck Medal. The next day they have the Full Marathon (26.2 miles). It is run through all 4 parks. In this race you receive a Mickey Mouse Medal. To receive the Goofy medal you have to run both - back to back. Yep - in one weekend you run a total of 39.3 miles - thus the word Goofy!!

Well, this dream has surfaced again while my niece and her family have been here visiting me. She ran my first Half Marathon with me and she didn't quit, even though she is a teacher and has recently adopted a little boy. She ran her first Full Marathon in Dallas this year. Well, this crazy girl has now signed up for the Goofy in January...She is my new Hero!!

Even the thought of running a Full seems crazy to me. But if you were ever to do it Disneyworld would be the place. How awesome would it be to be on mile 22, ready to puke and not be able to feel your feet (except the knowledge of how the outer sides feel like ground beef) but to look over and Prince Charming was cheering you on?....sigh....At that point all you really want from Prince Charming is some Vasaline to rub under your armpits so the chaffing will finally cease...

I'm wondering if a Donald would make me happy? - Would I get home and see Donald everyday and think WHY OH WHY....Why couldn't I have been good enough to have Mickey staring back at me?? I mean Mickey has the Ears.... Now a Mickey would be Incredible!! But that means I have 6 months, actually 183 days...Could I train for a Full Marathon in that amount of time. Sometimes I think my dreams are just crazy. Do I set myself up for disappointment? Hmmm, Well maybe I should just send my own Prince Charming to Sam's to load up on Vasaline just in case.......

stopping short of the goal....

I dream of a day where I can finish what I start....There are so many ideas that jump around inside my head. I grasp at them and try to do everything and yet many times at the end of the day I am left with nothing more than chaos.

I have always wondered why that I insist on coming close to the completion of a project and then stop within site of the finish line. This became visual to me a couple of years ago when I took up running. I had plans of running a half marathon which required ALOT of training. So as the days went by I noticed a pattern. Whenever I gave myself the goal of running to the next light pole for example, I would get just within feet and then begin to walk...hhhmm... This was so representative of the way I conducted my life.Whether it be cleaning the stove, doing the laundry, paying the bills or loosing weight. I consistantly stopped short of success.

Since during running you have plenty of time to think, I tried to understand why I conducted my life in this manner. Well, the answer seemed to be clear (most likely it became clear before mile 8 because after that I pretty much have a brain of jello). I felt that if I didn't complete things than I can consider myself a failure, unworthy or not perfect. As I worked through this I realized this was completely true but that didn't help me understand the reason why. I wondered if it was because of the worry of what others thought of me, but I don't think that is the case. Because I complete the tasks to a point that people around me would think that I have things together and organized. But inside my head I know different. When people would comment on how clean my house was I would berate myself inside my head because I knew the TRUTH. When people would comment on how impressed they were that I was running a half marathon I was giving myself a list of times that I knew were not what I was capable of.

So, they say that the first step is admitting you have a problem. And now I am very aware that going through life like this is not effective. I find that so much of my life is still conducted in this manner. There are times that I have to talk myself through completion. When everything in me wants to stop short I have to push myself to finish (sometimes it is as simple as scrubbing the kitchen sink). But I am a work in progress - but honestly - aren't we all?