take time to remember........

I love remembering....

This week I am in Texas...surrounded by my former life. Surrounded by people and landscapes and momentos that can whisk me back to my 20 years of living in this state. On Friday I joined one of my very best friends at my high school for homecoming. As we walked down the halls I could literally tell you stories about things that happened with every step we took. Mrs. McCormick's room and Alex sticking his paperclip in the outlet during class and the room lighting up. Coach Wallace screaming at poor Lori the second day of History class when she came to class without her book. My locker was # 58  and some not so great memories at that locker  that got me thrown into detention...(long story) Performing my poem with Bobby in front of the class in Mrs. Satterwhite's English class and how he wanted to rip me apart because I wasn't up on my Scottish when pointed to him when it said  Lassie (I was thinking Laddie...) and how I can't believe he is gone from our lives so soon... The Library...oh - the memories there! Doing my research paper on identical twins my Senior year - Suzy and I getting all the information we needed to pass Government...LOL...(love that Mrs. Shannon)...Mr. Holt's Science room... January 28, 1986 - watching the Space Shuttle Challenger diasaster with the rest of the world....And then there was the band hall....Gina and I walked in there and the memories are everywhere. Band was always my favorite thing about school....I played French Horn / Frumpet (yes with a F)...flag corps...and I was Drum Major my Senior year... My Junior year we made it to State and ended up with 6th place. Mrs. Holt was the best!! We had so much fun on that trip!!.... But I look around the band hall and remember things like Suzy, Jill and I eating poptarts in the practice rooms...getting fitted for the brand new uniforms...being in 5th grade and I was the only one who memorized Aura Lee and getting 110 and Mr. Lee took me to the teacher's lounge to get a Coke from the machine....And of course we remembered during our Senior year the band director was horrible - we were so mad that he had Ruined our band! We were his first class after graduating. At one point during a football game he got so mad at us he threw his keys to me, Gina and Suzy and said..."you think you can do better with this band than it's all yours!!!" and then he left....LOL...So after the game we took everyone back to the school and opened it up and put all the instruments away then had to lock up....But later Mr. Lock came to Gina's house and asked if she had Mr. B's keys and said she had to give them back because his house keys were on it...On Friday between the Pep Ralley and the game we had the Junior dinner in the cafeteria and the old gym and of course once again we sat there blurting out things that we remembered... Our school having the most AMAZING food - the smell of homeade rolls when you were crossing the sidewalk from the Elemetary building and of course the gravey....oh my!!!!...the square pizza...the homeade tamales....We were spoiled with our Lunch Ladies...But then we had to question the whole half a pear with mayo in the middle and shredded cheese on top....LOL!!

Okay - did I lie???  I could tell stories about the whole school - actually the whole town - and beyond...My head is reeling right now with memories...Sometimes when I come home I just get overwhelmed because that is what my head does the whole time. Everywhere I look there is a flashback to some point in my life... Most of them are good memories but some of them are't so wonderful...We all have those parts of our lives that we would like to forget....There have been several of those while I was here...Moments when I am caught off guard and it's like I was kicked in the gutt and I try to shake my head to get rid of the visions. Many are made up of actions from other people that break my heart for that young girl but there are my fare share of things that I did that I would like to erase from my mind as well...

I often wish that I would have had someone to help me during those years. To talk me through all the junk that gets thrown at you during your teen years. I had good friends but we were in it together - it was like pulling each other down while we were drowning. Now having kids of my own it breaks my heart when I see others saying mean, vicious things to young kids and they don't have any idea that they are literally scaring them for years to come...Words are very powerful!! As a mom I feel like I am in a constant game of ping pong...LOL...my kids walk out the door and get hurt and they come back home and I build them back up again only to send them out and have it happen all over again....Many mornings I have closed the door as my kids leave for school and I fall into a heap of tears because I know that their day is going to be filled with "cruel kids"...And yet as I was walking the halls the other day I had a thought...Yes, that stuff happens - all the time - but the one thing that I didn't have when I was a kid was the positive side at home. It was all one sided. So now that I watch my kids I think back...What if, even though I was hearing negative junk all the time, I was also being told daily how those people were wrong...What if I had someone constantly telling me that I was beautiful, talented, smart - every single day....I began to think about the stuff that I did endure throughout my years of growing up. Possibly the one positive thing that came from all that hurt is that it made me stronger - especially as a parent. When Rob is trying to convince me that things are going to be okay when I am in a pit I tell him that he has to be Louder than the negative noise in my head....That's my job as a mom... I have to make sure that My words of encouragement and truth are louder than the words that the world is throwing at my kids.....My prayer is that during these formative years my words become their words of truth.....

I think there is much to be learned from our pasts....I know sometimes it may seem easier to hide the bad stuff away but sadly when you do that you inadvertantly remove the good stuff too. Facing some of the hard memories this week haven't been all that fun but I would do it again and again...because I know that all of this life mixed together have made me who I am.....

Today I dream for you my friend the ability to look at your past....what can you learn from it? Be thankful for what it has taught you....and maybe you would say that you aren't happy with where you are - your past is a great place to start getting the answers as to why....What answers does your past hold and what can it teach you to make your future better???.... Take a little time to remember.......