giving it to God....

A wonderful book on Prayer that my Brother n law

Bill gave to me.....

I've never had a mentor.....well, I shouldn't say that. I have 2 wonderful sisters that have guided me through the last 22 years of marriage and motherhood. They are my best friends and I am pretty sure they know pretty much everything about me....the good, the bad and the endless nonsense.....I can't imagine my life without them. But living 1200 miles away from my best friends has left me with a longing for someone to sit and hold me and encourage me through the rough times and high five me during my triumphs.....

I am pretty sure that I read too many blogs from other Christian woman. They talk about how they have mentors that are older than them. They meet weekly at Starbucks with Bibles in tow and unload their struggles and then the wise woman doles out incredible wisdom and words from scripture and prays the most poetic of prayers.....sigh....

I remember one wonderful week in a woman's house in Minnesota. I was staying at her home while I was doing some volunteer work. She was a beautiful woman who was old enough to be my mom. Her husband and she had done mission work throughout their lives and had several children and grandchildren. She was showing me around her house and took me into her office where I saw bookshelves filled with so many of my favorite books. We stood there and talked about  many of them and my heart just got fuller and fuller. One evening after a long and stressful day she took me to her church for a potluck. As we walked along she put her arm in mine and guided me around and introduced me to all of her friends like she was so proud that I had come with her. That evening she brought me a cup of tea and we sat on her couch and began to visit. She asked me questions and just listened.....it was Heavenly.....She asked me questions that went deeper than anyone ever has.....or should I say - different directions.... if that makes sense. Her questions led me to corners of my heart that many times I won't allow myself to go on my own and I keep topics very much on the surface with many of my friends..I would much rather be the questioner than the questionee.....After we talked she took my cup and walked me to my room and asked if she could pray for me. I laid in bed that night and wept. I wept for alot of things that we had discussed and even more that it was bringing up. By the next morning many of them scurried back to their dark corners. But I will never forget how freeing it was to be on the receiving end of the wisdom of a woman like that...

Through the years I have thought of her. I know that I journaled during that week but even now it is hard for me to go back and see what I wrote.....Isn't that crazy?.....I don't even remember all the topics we discussed but I just remember the way I felt....And there are so many times I so long for a woman like that in my life... Someone who has been through the rough times and came out stronger. A woman who can hold my hand and take me to scripture when I'm feeling alone and abandoned. A woman who can guide me through the difficult teenage years and remind me that the hard work and consistency will be worth it. Someone that will wrap their arms around me and tell me I'm doing a good job.....sigh......

I'm at a strange point in my life...in SO many areas of my life......I can't even explain it. Becca is off to college and it won't be long before Dustin follows as well. What will life look like for me then? We are all aware of the imagination I have so it's not like I haven't pictured it in my head over and over. Rob and I will head off to some other country and help at an orphanage and return home on trips to visit our children and grandchildren. I will be writing book after book and taking insightful photography that shows a life that few have ever experienced. And at some point we will return home and build our little cabin in the woods (that's Rob's part of the dream....) But we will spend our days serving and encouraging others around us.

I know that vision comes from what I experienced during that week. During one of the most intensely emotional weeks I have ever had. Giving everything in me during the day and coming home to feel loved and encouraged to go back again......I believe with all my heart that God placed that woman in my life for a greater purpose than just to lift me up during that week. He showed me the importance of what a mentor can be in the lives of others.

I also believe that this is one more reason for my blog. I have a heart to encourage....to motivate...to bring woman to a closer relationship to our Heavenly Father....to know that they are not alone....But I am only one woman.....I have no counseling degree and I by no means have all the answers.

The difficulty that I find is that when others come to me I tend to take on their pain....So when I have 5 different situations going on that I am "helping" others through I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. I hurt for them and feel their pain. I spend my days trying to figure out ways to help them through....There have been many times that I feel that I spend more time on trying to see ways for them to move forward than they do themselves and then it leads to resentment and frustration.....I find myself being angry and short with my own family for no reason...And then I am filled with guilt because I know what it's like to be in despair and hopeless....I may not have been in their particular situation but I definitely can relate on some level.......

So my problem is....I don't know how find balance....

I always go back to the vision of that woman....Her peace....Her strong faith.....Her calming spirit....That is what I want....That is the place I long to reside. To encourage without internalizing.......hhhhmmmm...

Well my......this was very therapeutic today......Once again I love how I never know what I am going to write about....I could say that I didn't know that this was inside of me but I really knew it was and so has Rob....It has become much more evident lately. To a point that I know that it has to be dealt with but I just don't know how...Writing this today it is very clear to me that my top priority needs to be Prayer.....I need to realize that no matter what the situationis it is ultimately in His hands....I need to quit spending the hours of my days problem solving others problems and more time lifting them up to Him. I am not called to have all the answers and I can't be so hard on myself if the person I am trying to comfort finds that their life has only gotten worse. I am not in control of the decisions they make. I am only in control of mine....

So today I dream for you....... open eyes to see if there is something in your life that you are trying to take care of on your own.....by your own strength.....Is God telling you that what you truly need to do is lift it up in Prayer....Every time the thought enters your mind give it to Him. Instead of allowing your mind to stew and plan, worry and then get depressed..... let Satan know that you have no interest in going there and give it to God.......sigh.....

Well thank you for letting me think through this today.....I already feel lighter and more at peace....but I will be honest that it isn't going to happen overnight......I am still human you know.....

Have a Beautiful Day my friends....