sharing my blog....

This one is still one of my favorite photos.
It was on the day that Becca got home from Germany.
That was when I knew that she would never be
content to live an average life.....

As many of you know part of the goal for writing my blog is to capture my day to day life and share it with my kids someday. I have long given up asking..."have you read my blog today??" Only to get the same answer..."Mooommm, I'm busy...". So my plan is to periodically put my blog into book form to share with them at some point when they will appreciate it more. So many times in my life I wish that I would have known about my parents lives when they were younger...How did they handle parenting, marriage, conflict?....What were they passionate about?... What were their day to day lives like?.....

Your all aware that I end most of my blogs with..."Today I dream for you"...I say that I write that for myself as well as you as a reader but also it is for my children.... If there is a day that I can't be there beside them with encouragement and advice I pray that they can read my words and learn and grow from the struggles and joys that I have lived. So as I write out these words I am challenged to live a better life...to live more adventursm...to let go of things...and to dream bigger...because that is the life I want them both to know that I tried my best  to live and it is possible for them as well...I try to be as real with my struggles because I want them to see that we all go through different seasons in our life. And hopefully that will encourage them throughout their own journey.

I write this for both my children but realizing that it will most likely be most beneficial for Becca. Not that Dustin won't be interested. Actually he has been the most supportive of my blog all along. But there is a different bond between a mother and daughter....or so there should be...or should I say there is for us....(But just last night D asked me if I have blogged about him yet..lol... I will write soon about my relationship with him  and share with you the things that make him the amazing son he is....) But this today is directed more towards Becca. I feel like I need to write so much of this stuff down for her...Her life is busy and full....I am so use to her being here and now that she is gone to college we are missing so much of each others lives...

I know there are parents that comment that their children are their "best friends" and I often somewhat cringe when I hear that... Being a best friend with your child puts an awful lot of pressure on them. I want Becca to have the freedom to have her own friends and adventures that don't include me.....I always say that if you do the hard work when your kids are younger then the older they get you truly get to enjoy them....that is where Becca and I are....And Dustin and I are getting very very close (still going through some work with him...lol...) I Adore her, I love EVERYTHING about her...but she is not my best friend. I don't ever want her to feel like she has to take care of me...that my joy and peace is dependent on her. I want her to have the freedom to have her own friends and that I will be okay..

Although I say she isn't my best friend we are very good friends. We are very close! And she has lived in this house so she knows alot about my life. She knows that I have had  rough times but I hope that I have taught her that it is possible to make it through with His guidance. Today's message at church was about God teaching us through struggles. That nowhere in the Bible does it state that God does not give us more than we can handle. It is through cicumstances that we can not handle that finally make us turn to Him. We have all 4 shared alot of stuff that we didn't know what God was trying to teach us. I want to be able to say that the things that I...(we) have gone through have grown me and our whole family.
So since there have been numberous times that Becca has held me while I cried about different things in my life...(She is just as protective of me as I am for her)..I wanted to give her a glimpse into my life at this moment while she is off creating her very own ....

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To Becca:

Although when you left for Milwaukee we were in the middle of some hard stuff as a family things are definately on an upswing. I am beyond proud of the life that you are creating for yourself. For your amazing strength and determination to follow your passsion. But most of all that you have Passion and Dreams in your live. I LOVE THAT! Dad and I are loving our life here with Dustin, just the 3 of us. You have been a wonderful big sister to him and an excellent example of a life to aspire to. Every day gets better and better and I am forever thankful for the time you spend with him. Dad misses you so very very much. He has the picture of the 2 of you hugging at graduation beside the bathroom sink and I know he stares at it often. If he ever learns to text it will only because he wants to talk to you more and no other reason...LOL!! And then there's me....I am happy....happier than I have been in a long long time....You know through many tears my prayer has been for a good friend for a long time now.....although things have been hard, this time has allowed Dad and I to begin to be each others Best Friends...the way it should be...the way it always should have been. But you know that I have missed having "friends". I just want to let you know that God is very faithful...I will first start by saying how wonderful our weekend in Milwaukee was at Women of Faith. Me, you and Shari!!! It couldn't have been more of what we all 3 needed. I loved you laying in my lap as they sang and getting to rub your back and play with your hair. And I don't know what my life would be without Shari right now...you know as well as anyone that she and Jamie helped us all through some of the hardest times we have had...all 4 of us....they are such a blessing to our whole family. And then of course there are Bryan, Nichole and Ainsley. They have become such a stable part of our lives and we couldn't be happier. Last night was our weekly Hot Tub hang out night and I got to feed Ainsley while she sat in her high chair. It feels so good to be an Aunt again to a little one....sigh...And then there are all my book club friends, my church friends, my Jamaican Mission friends and so many others (and of course my amazing Texas family!!)....Right now my life is overflowing and I am beyond thankful.

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I know I say I write this for Becca and for Dustin as well...but I also write this for me. It feels good to write down in words where God has brought me....And to be so very thankful! Who is to say what the future will hold. What next year will be like. I am trying not to worry or even try to look to far ahead and just live in the moment. I tell Rob that I want to enjoy all the people around me now because if God's plan for our future is to place us in a different country working in an orphanage where I don't speak the language I want to be able to know that I didn't waste a moment of this life here and now...You just never know do you?.... But what I do know is that at this very moment as I sit here my heart is Full.....And I thank Him so much for that....

Well today I dream for you a Full Heart....Maybe you are where I am and you are so thankful for where He has you today...But maybe you are going through one of those times where you know that He is giving you more than you can Handle...Life is too hard and you don't know how much more that you can take...Here is a link to the series we are doing entitled Fearless - the one I am speaking of is Fear of Overwhelming Challenges...Excellent message!! http://www.hiddenv.com/resources/393  I want to encourage you to draw closer to Him during this time....Have a wonderful day my friends.........